Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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