I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Randomize
