My girlfriend figured out who you are.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
