Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
