Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
