Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
