You smell like a Billy Joel song
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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