I just pynch a tree in the face
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on