i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I deserve this hangover.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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