it was like his penis was on wheels.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
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I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
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THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
