i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
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Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
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Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger