god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.