you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize