Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
