plz talk dirty to me
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
