dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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