he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
