I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
