And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
