I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
