I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
