john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
