he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
