I'm so fucking centered right now
id be glad to
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
