I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
