My underwear smells like fireworks.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
