I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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