Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
