My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
