so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
