Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just found a bag of teeth...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
