Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
