i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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