I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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