omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
