I'm so fucking centered right now
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
