2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
