We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
