:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
