glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
