It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
