EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?