you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
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