my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period