i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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