I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
