just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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