I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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