yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
