OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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