Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
