Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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