dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
