How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
