He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Someone signed my nipple.
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