Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
