If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
