She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Is Oprah even human
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
