she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
