I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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