Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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