No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
