He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
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Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
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I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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