I'm going to jail i love you
Your mouth is God's brothel.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
