Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
