you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize