last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
