she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
