Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
