They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
