drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
