professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We need to get me chipped asap
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
