What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
