Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
