Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize