Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
