Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize