is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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