I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
