My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
