apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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